as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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