In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
