Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
