Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
