so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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