the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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