i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
