no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I love you. Go after that dick
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
