i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
