yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
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