she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
