he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
