i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
you inspire me to be a worse person
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
