I could have mohawked her pubes.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
