it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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