What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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