Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
