A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
