I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
