Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
