Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
