So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
