nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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