so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
