I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize