Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
