it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
