So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
