I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
