Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
