No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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