I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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