I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
