Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
