he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Two words: nipple clamps
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