life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
