You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
