i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
This is classic penis vs brain.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
