just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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