Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'

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(636): View more from Missouri

she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.

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(309): View more from Illinois

So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend

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(651): View more from Minnesota

The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion

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(802): View more from Vermont

Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.

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(206): View more from Washington

I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.

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(940): View more from Texas

Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago

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(512): View more from Texas

So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch

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(203): View more from Connecticut

i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room

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