wrigley field is MILF paradise
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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