I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
