And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
