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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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