Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
