Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You can't just leave with hair like that
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
