Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
