i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
