I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
