I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
